Dawn Patrol: July 23, 2009

Yesterday was a good one, and it occurs to me that the vast majority of days are good. Mommy and I are very fortunate to have a very well-mannered and easy-going baby. She sleeps very well at night, fusses only rarely and is easily calmed. She's alert, curious, engaged, physically strong, affectionate and obviously very happy. We could not ask for more.

Our walk yesterday was a little on the long side. Abby's friend's Dad (I'll call him M) showed me where there's a public indoor pool an another YMCA both within easy walking distance. Our membership to the Y is good at both locations, so I am even more excited about that then I was before.

Changing the subject a bit, when Mommy was pregnant and before we knew that we were having a girl, I often had a circular series of thoughts. I would realize that I knew nothing about raising a girl, so I would find myself hoping that the baby would be a boy. Then, I would start thinking about all the challenges that one faces in raising a well-adjusted boy. I would quickly realize that I new nothing about raising a boy, so I would find myself hoping that the baby would be a girl. Then I would start thinking about all the challenges that one faces in raising a well-adjusted girl. I would quickly realize that I knew nothing about raising a girl, so I would find myself hoping that the baby was a boy, etc. A nice, tight, inescapable circle.

I was waiting for the train after teaching last night, and I saw a woman on the station platform. She was unremarkable except that she was wearing high-healed shoes, which were causing her obvious pain. This started me thinking (again) about the fact that I am trying to raise a woman in a world that is not particularly easy for women. Here are some of my thoughts about this all-important task.

First, much if not most of what I, her father, will teach her will be unconscious on my part. She will learn about men by watching me. Her conception of the normal way that men treat women will be grounded in large part on the way that I treat her Mommy. So, if I want her to demand respect and affection from her future partners, I should first and foremost, treat her mother with respect and affection. A corollary of this is that Mommy and I should take time to ensure as much as possible that our marriage remains a good one with open communication, consensus decision-making, playfullness, flirtation, and mutual respect and loyalty. And we should do these things so that Abby can see them. Anger and the occasional arguments are, of course, inevitable, but Mommy and I have always been pretty good about limiting the scope and intensity of our tiffs. This, too, will set a good example.

Next, Mommy and I agree that we will put an enormous emphasis on education. There is a lot of evidence, both scientific and anecdotal, that children's grades and treatment in school can vary widely based on seemingly irrelevant factors such as gender, physical beauty and personality traits. For example, teachers tend slightly to inflate the grades of pretty girls, call on attractive children more often in class, and to favor boys in math and science. It is our intention to instill in Abby a love of learning to and to ensure as much as possible that she does well in school. We will also try our best to deemphasize the importance of her physical appearance to her self-esteem.

I will write more about this tomorrow.

I welcome any comments.